On symmetry

My two sides are not equal; not even close. Scoliosis and muscle asymmetries mean that every warrior I do with my left leg forward is harder, my hips are less square, and I'm more wobbly. Standing poses are also frustrating, as my balance is way better on my right leg than my left. I've also discovered that if I get frustrated, it's best if I move on, and return later to push my body again to relax into the poses and the tightness that is more pronounced on one side than the other. Still, anatomy means that I often just have to let it go-with a sigh.

Handstands

Elusive handstands. I've been trying to practice daily; starting against a wall, an then seeing if I can align myself and take my feet off. Progress is slow.

Harbin hot springs

Two yoga classes two weekends ago at Harbin Hot Springs; a clothing-optional resort a couple hours north of the Bay area. Class one (5pm on Sat.) was a great combination of chanting, breathing and stretching that left me in a bit of a mellow daze. Class two, at 8 am on Sat. was a pretty good Iyengar class. The best part about the classes was doing two in two days--something I don't do regularly. I returned from my weekend feeling aligned and relaxed!

Using avaliable media-capturing devices to your advantage

One thing I enjoy doing, when I have some time on my hands, is taking pictures of myself in poses, just to see what I see. I can often see things I'm doing poorly a little more clearly, or understand what a yoga teacher is talking about a little better if I look at myself.

Recently, I discovered that video is an even better tool; you can see yourself settle into the pose, how it evolves, and how your alignment changes during the duration, as well as how you're breathing.

The on-going journey of finding-and re-discovering-my practice.

I began practicing yoga in my early twenties, like many women, in a donation-based Kripalu Yoga class offered in the common space of one of the dorms on campus in 2003. The emphasis on breathwork and coordinated, flowing movement was unique to any active pursuit I had tried, and I noticed within a short period of time that my body felt longer and stronger, and my anxiety about food, planning for my future, and relationships diminished. I loved my first yoga class so well that I didn't know quite what to do when I started a graduate program in the fall and found that the classes offered through recreational sports were too crowded and too much like an aerobics class for my taste; so I stopped practicing. I also stopped exercising except for an occasional hike, drank too much coffee, and spent weekends working. I didn't sleep well, and my health suffered.

A year later, I decided the incentive I needed to get back into shape and in touch with my body was to join a local gym that had a reputation for offering complementary yoga classes with several really good instructors. Sure enough; there was one pretty hard core woman that most people loved, and another (my personal favorite) who offered gentle, centered classes for those who weren't ready for an hour and a half of Ashtanga-style, quite yet. I can still hear her soothing voice in a beautiful French accent saying a word that-to this day-I try to remember in my practice: "micromovements". In her class, I learned how to use my breath to relax into, as well as intensify, my asana. When I'd get to my edge, I'd then move a little from side to side or whatever felt right; release some tension, and sink deeper.

As I prepared to leave Blacksburg, VA to move to Brazil, I was disappointed to, once again, have to relinquish a teacher who had such a profound effect on me. It was then that I realized that the only way to truly make yoga a lifelong practice was to make it my own. This was a scary thought; what did it mean to not have a yoga teacher? Did it mean I should get videos, books, props, and a mirror? Well, those things weren’t options. I packed two bags for Brazil (no room for a yoga mat), and quickly moved into a place that had no TV. So no yoga videos (I’ve never really liked them, anyway). Slowly, I realized that the only way to go about the transition was to…begin.

At first I thought: "Ok, I'll write out sequences of poses, and try a few different things. I'll plan my practice, and then I won't have those awkward spaces where I’m trying to decide what to do, next." While I've done a lot of cool things in my life and am a creature of habit, I'm not noted for my self-discipline. These attempts to plan my practice didn't last long, and my yoga practice basically evolved into 6 months of me experimenting with poses that flowed together and patching together things I remembered from my classes. Mostly sun salutations, lunges, seated twists, pigeons, and standing poses. And, of course, Savasana.

What did I notice after about six months? Well, I stopped thinking so hard, and my physical memory took over. My body took stock of its strengths and weaknesses, and learned where to be gentle, and what needed to be warmed up before trying the things that didn’t come so easily. To be fair, my alignment was less-than-perfect, and I'm sure I was doing many things "wrong". But what did I come away with after about six months of independent practice? The ability to do 30 minutes to an hour of yoga. Anywhere, anytime, and without being able to say to myself "but I can't come up with enough poses to do that much yoga!" My breath would flow, my body would move, and, there it was: my very own yoga practice.

When I moved to Massachusetts after a summer of travel, I continued my practice. At least once, and usually more like twice a week. It was the first place I'd lived where I paid $15 dollars to go to a mediocre class, and thought: "my time (and my money) are better spent on my mat, at home." I enjoyed doing yoga at work with a group of colleagues that were guinea pigs for a colleague who was finishing her Yoga Alliance 200-hr certification. I could tell right away that she was going to be a truly gifted teacher. That year, I also bought a couple of good yoga books and slowly added a few new and more difficult poses to my repertoire. I'd keep a book by my mat, and try and incorporate one new one every practice, even if it was just a variation I had never tried. When I was visiting my then-boyfriend in Harrisonburg, VA, I'd enjoy going to yoga classes with him at East-West Yoga; where the $7 I paid for a nicely-done mixture of traditional Hatha/Iyengar/Vinyasa-style class was a delightful bargain. John also emphasized using props for safe and comfortable execution, and I learned how to incorporate a strap, block, and blankets into my practice.

Now, I live in Berkeley. Probably one of the best places to practice yoga, attend workshops, or get certified. I still practice on my own, but also enjoy going to classes at Bridges Rock Gym, taking classes at Berkeley with Toni Mar, and classes and workshops at 7th Heaven Yoga with Shy Sayar (and most recently, Deborah Saliby). I'm still not ready to invest to get certified to teach, but I figured I'd create a space for some yoga discussion, and to share my reflections on the many opportunities to expand my practice here in the Bay area.